A Window to the Past

So when I was twelve years old, I thought I could write. The actual capability of writing words - I had that down perfect. The actual capability of writing a compelling and good piece of writing - not so much.

When I was twelve years, ten months, and twenty-nine days old, I wrote the first three chapters of what would become The Adventures of Charlotte Black: The Legacy (It used to have a different name that I forgot, but trust me, it wasn't any better). I ended up writing "45,000 words" to this story (more like 40,000 because of my long author's notes) and then one day, I reread my story and guess what! It sucked.

I immediately set out to do the impossible: rewrite a horrible story, but well. I mean I was up against a lot. My plot idea itself was bad. Plus, my mind set was horrible.

to anyone (unlike me) who does not worship Gryffindor (Okay, I don't worship it, but it is my favorite house)

-me (when I was twelve)

I posted this in one of my author's notes. I actually had to apologize to a reader for how offensively Gryffindor I was. To me this is hilarious (but if you don't know me, it's not). I'm a Slytherin. When I went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter I bought Slytherin robes, ties, scarves, everything. So it's so funny to me that back then I hero-worshipped Gryffindor. I hero-worshipped it so much that I put a character there who never belonged there in the first place!

While I am beyond sad that I lost the last three years of time when I could've been writing to just thinking about what I wanted to do with the story, I'm also glad. Sometimes, we just need time. Even though I knew that something was wrong with my story when I was thirteen/fourteen, I didn't yet have the mental capacity to write it better. I think these three gaps years have given me the time I needed to learn how to fix my mistake. And I'm glad that I learned how.

Charlotte never left my mind, not for a day. Hardly even for an hour. Sometimes, when I'm listening to music, I pretend that in the Harry Potter books and I pretend I'm her, and I've gotten to know her a lot better (as cheesy as that sounds). Over these past three years of silence, a lot has changed. Who I hang out with, what I'm interested in, my opinions, they're all different. But Charlotte had been my loyal best friend who has stuck with me through it all.

-Katherine (SilverDrama)

Sorry, I don't like editing. This post probably sucks to read.

Facebook

Okay, so today was filled with loads of Drama, and as with our current generation, the majority of the drama either began with, dealt with, or ended on Facebook.

Jake Brissey marrying a fifteen year old isn't the point of the blog though.

My friend was badmouthing him on his page, trying to convince him marrying a fifteen year old when he was eighteen was stupid (no arguments there) and then he up and deleted her from facebook. (no shocker there) Then he deleted the argument off of his page. Or so he thought. I found a link to it in my friend's recent comments links. It was still there. What is it with facebook? I know they're super awesome for creating this awesome social networking site. Without Mark Zuckerberg how would I stalk my exes and crushes or play pretend farmer all day? But shouldn't it be less deceiving? If I click delete, something should delete immediately. Instead, he has this post where we yelled at him and he doesn't have any idea it's still fully viewable. And I mean, I tested it with my own page, and it went away.

So I'm confused, is this a glitch?? Or what?

-Kitty the Kat

I Dream of Perfection

I wish I wasn't affected by it. Everything I haven't done in my life, I want to do. Whether this non-accomplishment is good, bad, weird, obscure, or normal, I want to accomplish it. My daydreams aren't filled with boys, they're filled with the peaks of accomplishments. I imagine that I'm on top of the world - that I've hiked Everest. I dream that I'm a famous movie star or a PRINCESS.

I'm too much of a coward to ever try any of things, but I do try more realistic things. I dress crazy, speak my mind, and am "who I am"

But I've realized something. I can learn what it's like to "stand up for yourself" and make out and do things without caring for the person I'm with. But along this path, I've forgotten something very important that I can no longer accomplish. Innocence. No longer do I blush with confusion at an innuendo. I can barely count all of the boys I've swapped spit with one both of my hands. I can't undo getting oral sex before receiving my first kiss (even if the former wasn't quite consensual). (Yes, that's right, to clarify, my one "experience" of oral sex was against my will)

Sometimes, I wish I could be myself. It's not that I'm AFRAID to be who I really am, but really, it's that I don't know who I am at all. I can't "be myself" if I'm just a mystery to my own mind.

But, to say it simply, I don't know who I am.

I know that I'm a person aging out of innocence and hiking into adulthood. I've made my MISTAKES, but those are my lessons. I don't know what the future will bring, but I hope it brings me more happiness.

Today...

I got kicked out of my father's house.

Like, I'm not even sure what to say about this. My dad thinks I'm disrespectful and he has told me that I won't be accepted into his house unless I plan to give him his "proper respect".

I don't know if I'm disrespectful or not. I'm not extremely respectful, but I don't think I fall on the other end of the spectrum either. I tend to be more respectful, but my father aggravates me, so I'm not very respectful, but still not disrespectful.

Regardless of my respect or not, I'm not sure how I feel knowing that I get half of my DNA from somebody who rejects their sixteen year old daughter just because he doesn't find her very respectful.

I have relocated my residence in the duration of my visit to my aunt's house now.

But all I have are memories of my father today. He wouldn't talk to me - he wouldn't speak to me. He couldn't even look me in the eye without scowling.

I don't know what to think anymore.

I just took my history final

It sucked. Really sucked. Now I'm in health and it majorly sucksssssss. I don't want to be in here and we aren't doing anything but studying stuff I already know very well. Rawr.

I really despise finals week. Really, really despise.

I broke down this morning at 5:30. I was missing like one assignment for Trig and it freaked me out so I started crying and I got a headache, and I feel nauseus and I want to gooooooooo home. :( I'm still at school though.

Oh, my friend...aquaintence...ish slash enemy is apparently in the hospital. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this. Technically sadness is expected for a girl who was hospitalized, especially since everyone thinks she's in the hospital for hurting herself. But, I really hate the girl. Now I know this is mean to say: that I still hate the girl even though she needs help and is in the hospital. But I just don't. garrr, I'm horrible. Oh well.

I'm really tired. I should not be allowed to write blogs while tired. It's a crime...I shall call it blogging while tired. BWT.

The people in my health class are talking about weeiiirrrrddddd sex ed stuff. Ew. Like I'm not immature with the material in the class, they're just goofing off.

I'm going to make cupcakes for tomorrow...I think tomorrow, maybe the day after (thursday?)...

I just realized that I leave to go see my dad on friday. I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad about seeing him. My relationship with my dad is ... interesting. So...not sure how happy/sad/whatever I am at that fact.

But I get to go to Arizona where, although only slightly, they have some form of winter. Here in Hawaii, it's still summerlike in the weather. Which suuccckkkkssss. I want to go somewhere other than Blair's over-air-conditioned house where I can wear a sweater and not be hot. Plus, I get to ride my dad's .... ahem .... my stepmom's horses a lot. Yayness!!!!

I am exceding BWT very much. I am tired and hungry and I shall bid you adieu.

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Kat is very bored

So I'm not really sure what to say, but I think need to say something. So, currently I'm with my friend Blair. She's talking to some guy she likes on the phone...so I'm majorly bored.

What to talk about? Um, lets see...

In the past like two days or so, I've grown an addiction to Fireworks by Katy Perry...I have this problem where when I listen to a song I really like, I listen to over and over, which is what I'm doing right now.

Also, my friend Tristan - who is the guy Blair is talking to right now - got tackled today at school. My ex(?)friend Jake decided to tackled him on the school's concrete hallways. As Jake tackled him, Tristan, who is super tiny, like didn't try avoiding it, so they both went flying. As Blair describes it: "all four of their feet went flying" and by four feet, she means two each.

My favorite fanfiction - Salazar's Encore - got updated, so I'm super happy. Well, I really will be when I get to read it once I get home tonight.

Plus, I'm going to Sizzler for dinner and I get to bring Blair. Yay!

I had a "lab exam" for physics which I got until the analysis part. Ugh. And then I had a super easy AP English exam. No sarcasm. It really was easy. And tomorrow I have a Trig and World History exam - yuck. I want exam week to END already. Maybe not because that means I have to go see my dad.

And I'm rambling on right now, so I'm gonna stop now.

Adios.

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A Day in the Life of a Kitty Kat

Okay, so today was interesting. It was fun, drama, and well...that's about it. Anyway, so I slept in super late and didn't get to school to socialize early. :( So I go to AP English for second period (which is the first class of the day). English was rather...interesting. First of all, my teacher is scatter brained and forgets what we're doing half the time and goes off on random tangents. Anyway, today we got new vocab words. He gives us worksheets with a word bank, and definitions and sentences missing the vocab word. He lets us guess before going over the right answer.

Awesomeness #1 of the day? I got all of the vocab right on the first go!

So anyway, we're going over schemes after that. (He proceeded to give me the teacher's copy...shhhh) During this lecture, we get a lockdown/evacuation drill. We're told to lockdown the classroom and read the directions on the tv screen aloud. I'm sorry, we're in AP English, we should be able to read anyway. I yell to my english teacher loudly. "MR. JONES! WE'RE IN AP ENGLISH; IF WE CAN'T READ, WHY ARE WE IN HERE?" He kind've laughed. ... He's used to my random witty comments. The instructions said in the case of a real evacuation caused by gas/chemical/bomb threat, our parents would sign us out before we left.

I'm sorry, but if I'm gonna die, I'm not waiting to get signed out before running like hell. I'm just running.

Then, we are instructed to evacuate to the wing right next to our class. We go over to the wing and they usher me into my freshman Biology classroom. It's also my advisory/TASK classroom. My advisory/TASK teacher "hates" (ish) me...so I made sure to say hi when I got inside. Then, the drill ends, so I go get my bag from class and end up back in my TASK/advisory class again, lol. My friend Jake / Thomas (same person, two names) just leave (our teacher seriously doesn't like us). We meet up with my best friend and his girlfriend Ashley and we crash the Physics class where I proceed to mock Ashley's fail of a parachute (it held NO air resistance...lol).

Then I had World History...I was a nerd. Then Health, I left for a therapy. I came back to school for the last class...Beginning Acting. I just ate my McDonalds, gossiped, and then played Charades. Yes, I get to play Charades in one of my classes. It's awesome. During Charades, my adopted Frosh (niner I guide through high school) was guessing when someone was trying to act out Mulan. The category was movies, so they made squinty stereotypical Asian eyes. My Frosh yells out superloud "ASIAN" lol...it was funny for some reason.

Then after-school, Ashley and I convinced Jake to hang out with his best friend one last time and we hung out. We went through like a million phone calls, passing notes through calls to her mom and suck. Anyway, me and Ashley were just talking and goofing around. I pointed out she was only doing half of her History project, which sucks, but she still has a week to make up the other part. Then we pull out paper and decide the way to try and have classes together next year - because Froshy year, my Thursday schedule was identical as Jessyman and Sophomore year, Cher and I shared (:D) a Thursday schedule.

So, so far, we both have:

Kat

AP Eng. Lit

Undetermined History

AP Calculus

AP Statistics

Drama II

H. Chem (retaking)

Undetermined elective

Ashley

H. 12 Eng or AP Eng. Lit

Undetermined History

Band

AP Statistics or Trig

Drama I

H. Chem

Undetermined (or I think I forgot) elective

...Hope something like that works out :D But yeah, I'm stressing, I only have next year, and then I have to do something with my life. Grrrr. I don't like life ... like the real world life, I like being alive :)

-Kitty Kat

PS Today is awesome because I got pizza after-school with Ashley!