It's almost painful to see who you've become

Yes, Ashley this is about YOU.

[Jess, please don't show this to her, I needed to vent]

You are going to live the rest of your life thinking that I fooled around with your boyfriend because you want to believe that. But I want you to know that you are wrong.

A. Rape is the lack of a "yes" not that presence of a "no"

B. Even then, I did tell him no. I don't care if you think I flirted with him - I don't know how to flirt- or if I didn't say no loud enough -he heard it, Ash, that's all that matters-, I DID say no.

I think it's pretty pathetic that I've forgiven my "rapist" (even if wasn't to the point of legal rape) and I can't forgive you. He felt sorry, he got back on his meds, and he moved on. You let it creep in your veins. You pretended to agree with me and just held it against me for the rest of time.

In fact, I don't care about that. I was friends with Shantel for Christ's sake. This is nothing new. But do you know how painful it is to see you like this, Ashley. I remember you before. You were happy and sweet and even if you didn't like me then, you were a wholeful person.

Then Cher moved, then Corey (WHY DID YOU BREAK UP WITH COREY?), then Jessy and Lauren. And your personality must have gotten packed in their moving boxes, because I don't see the girl that went to my school those first two years anymore.

Hell, maybe this Ashley was there all along. Because the Ashley I know now pretends to be perfect to everyone. And people like Morgan buy into this. Maybe I bought into that act those first two years when I barely knew you. Maybe you're like a siren (mermaid). You seem beautiful and alluring and perfect. And then you lure people in. Mermaids would eventually kill the sailor they lured in, and I don't know how to word that into a paralleling statement that fits you, but it does fit.

If I redo one thing, I'd go back to Sophomore year and convince my younger self to latch onto Nikki instead of you. You really weren't worth the trouble. Not one bit.

I love my friends. Yes, I'm easily irritated and complain about EVERYONE. I admit this. But I love all of my friends: Shelby, Sarah, Jessyman, Cher, Lauren, Nikki, Jaide, Laura, Austin, Blair, Kasey, Tori, Vikki, Becca, and Courtney. You Ashley, you're not on there. I haven't talked to Lauren in months and she still made the list. You didn't. I don't know who are anymore; I don't think I ever did, really.